Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true…

Daisy is our Hound. Dachshunds are hounds anyway, but Daisy is the Uber-Hound. She is sweet, gentle, and unassuming. She has big, moist eyes that can levitate tasty nibbles right off the plate. She’s modest, as dogs go, prefering to poop behind the wall instead of on the patio like her lazy and entitled sisters.
She sleeps alot, on her daisy bed, prefacing her many naps with loud, drawn out yaaawwwwwnnsss *smack*smack*.

This is a series of photos I took over a period of several days. No commentary, I think they speak for themselves.

Dignity? I don’t want no stinkin’ Dignity!

My dogs are capable of disarming goofiness. Just when you think they’re going to be dignified and you can take a becoming photo of them, they do something silly. Really, in my opinion, that makes for better photographs, anyway. Honest and all.

Lacy and the ubiquitous rawhide chip. She’s as bad as Telly Savalas with his sucker.

Daisy was in the oregano patch. She looked pretty there so I asked her to hold still and let me get a fetching image.

Lily fell asleep next to me on the couch. As she slept, she slid, ever so slowly, headfirst off the couch. She never did wake up.

Rosie and Lacy were on the couch. Rosie was gnawing on her back leg and Lacy was turned watching. When I called their names they turned their heads toward me, only Rosie’s ear didn’t want to turn.

The Demon Spawn

Sweet Daddio has a dog. Her name is Lacy and she is a black and tan longhaired miniature dachshund. Or maybe a small standard, I don’t remember. Anyway, Lacy is the canine equivalent of a Demon Spawn from Heck. She’s not really bad enough to be from Hell, but she is working on her Masters Degree in Mind Manipulation and, to me, that makes her from Heck.

She is physically quite lovely, with a tri-colored glossy coat and long feathers on her tail and belly. She is mostly black, with rust colored markings on her face and legs, and platinum blonde highlights on her belly and the underside of her tail. She looks like some sort of very sophisticated punk rocker with an account at Jose’s in Beverly Hills.

Lacy likes to talk. When she has something important to say, she sits about 4 feet away from you and goes “Yomp.” She’ll then glare for a minute, and “Yomp.” again. If that fails to spur you to her desired action (chew bone, please, or maybe a biscuit, or, failing that, a medium rare rib-eye will suffice), she gets down on her belly and gives you the Demon Spawn From Heck Glare of Persuasion. I, of course, am immune to such tactics. Sweet Daddio is not, and she knows this.

She is capable of a whole range of emotive facial expression.

She can look coy.

This is how she looks when in Demonic Mode. It’s not the flash making her eyes red. They really do that. Reaaaaally.

She is capable of a disarming sweetness.

Most of the time she just looks sneaky.

As an antidote for all this exposure to such duplicitousness, I offer you a picture of the dog that Lacy Doppelgangers. This is Rosie, my dog, and a sweeter, more ingenuous creature you’ll never meet. She hasn’t a malicious bone in her body. No one would ever dream of accusing her of being Demon Spawn, because she’s a Perfect Angel, the Pollyanna of the canine world, A Tootsie Roll compared to Lacy’s liter of Jose’ Cuervo Gold. Rosie is Generous and Kind and never, ever sneaky or self-serving.

This is her “humans are stupid and if I just do my ears they’ll think I’m perfect” look. Fortunately for me, she is unaware that her eyes turn red when she’s plotting something sinister.

Maybe 2 hours a day, she ian’t into any trouble, she’s not planning a coup d’etat in a small African nation, or chewing something up then blaming another dog for the mess.

So that’s Lacy. Lord, it’s like having a precocious 10 year old in the house all day. An Entitled precocious 10 yr old. With an overdeveloped sense of worth. Geez.

It’s been a while but I’m back, for now

With more weinerdog bliss!
Yesterday, it got very, very quiet. It was around 2 pm, and I’d been busy ding whatever it is that I do, and noticed the Peace and Quiet.

No growling, no yarking or yomping, no sound of furniture being gnawed or small plastic objects being mauled. I felt no tongues on the back of my leg, nor did I trip over something soft and furry. Indeed, all was peace and quiet. I looked around, and here’s why:

Lily

Lacy

Daisy

Rosy

If I didn’t know better, I’d be horrified by the carnage and devastation. Instead, I sighed “aw…so sweeeeet” and immortalized the moment with my camera. It didn’t last, but I can prove it’s possible to non-believers. I hereby swear on the last bottle of beer that these pictures were taken within a 1 minute period of time.

No, I haven’t lost my mind.

Meet my adopted sisters. Coco and Maggie.

My parents, recently retired and cognisant of Wienerdog Bliss, wished to partake of the Bliss themselves. Plus Mom wanted someone to keep her company whilst Dad occupied himself in the blacksmith shop. So they went to the self-same breeder where we adopted Rosie, and purchased themselves a pair of wienerdogs, half-sisters to Rosie and sharing many of her characteristics. Such as wanky ears.

They are personable little dogs. Coco is adventurous and cocky, taking on all comers and fearing no one. She resembles my Lacy very much, personality -wise. Maggie is more cautious, approaching life, strange dogs and unfamilar toys with equal parts curiosity and trepidation. She also has this gawdawful high pitched helium filled bark that makes me want to run to the nearest muzzle and sew it tightly around her snout.

They are, essentially, sweet natured dogs, affectionate like dachshunds should be. Our dogs get along with them pretty well, once the butt sniffing is finished and they’ve learned which toys they can play with. My parents are planning a 2 week trip to Scotland this summer, and are Allowing us to babysit Coco and Maggie for the duration. can you imagine 6 screaming wienerdogs in one household?? Good thing it’s Summer and I’ll have household help. I suppose it will be a chance to find out if we really have reached our threshold with 4, or if we should seek out some more.

I was going to do a cute and witty little post abo…

I was going to do a cute and witty little post about weinerdog noses, how they are prehensile, and how they have their own little brains that lead the bigger, more intelligent rest of the weinerdog down the road to perdition. I was going to include photographs of said noses. I tried, truly I did, but…well. everytime I put the camera down low to get a good look-see, the nose would immediately apply itself to the lens, rendering the photograph an uninterpretable blur with maybe an occasionable eyeball for reference. they just move to much and they think the camera is a great flashing slab of beef jerky that must be licked. Any other time they would sit, looking picturesque and ladylike. oh well. maybe later

If Weinerdogs were bread

I compared them to candy, now, due to lack of sleep and it being Friday so I’m all caught up on laundry and cleaning, I am going to compare the Household Li’l Darlins to other things.

Bread.
Rosie (the tootsie roll) would be a crusty french roll.

Daisy (the peanut brittle) would be an artisan loaf of whole wheat bread sweetened with honey.

Lily (the marshmallow peep) would be cheap white sandwich bread.

Lacy (the snickers bar) would be Cinnamon Raisin bread, lightly toasted and slathered with real butter.

Vegetables
Rosie: a small dish of baby pattypan squash, gently steamed and sprinkled with fresh chopped parsley

Daisy: an eggplant, one of those big ones, sliced, brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with chopped oregano and kosher salt, and grilled.

Lily: a can of plain Pringles

Lacy: succotash, made with fresh off the cob corn and edemame instead of lima beans.

Meat:

Rosie: a roasted Cornish hen, stuffed with an orange

Daisy: a Beef tenderloin, crusted with horseradish and black pepper, roasted rare

Lily: a package of cheap baloney

Lacy: Venison chili, from scratch, lots of cumin and red pepper and maybe chipotles if there are any in the pantry.

Fruit:

Rosie:a ladyfinger banana

Daisy: a papaya

Lily: a bowl of cherry jello

Lacy: a granny smith apple, slightly underripe

Flowers:

Rosie: a marigold, small and consistantly cheerful

Daisy: A zinnia, one of the big ones that looks like a party on a stem, orange, sturdy, and dependable, lasts for 2 weeks in a vase

Lily: a hothouse rose, lovely to look at but no fragrance

Lacy: a Pat Austin English rose: large and sturdy, with an open character and phenomenal fragrance

Fabric:

Rosie: cotton calico, navy blue background with flowers in pink and lavender

Daisy: cotton canvas-16 oz, unbleached and undyed, emminently practical and attractive in it’s own unassuming way

Lily: silk chiffon, lovely and soft and good for nothing except being pretty

Lacy: a hand knit afghan of lightweight wool/angora blend yarns

Cars:
Rosie: a Ford Fiesta, tiny and practical, royal blue, with the perpetual sack of groceries in the back.

Daisy: a Chevy Tahoe, large and practical. Not great gas milage but everyone wants one, loaded with all the neighbors kids, a couple of pets, and a cooler full of sodas to share.

Lily: a Mazda Miata. not practical for anything but fun to have, silver with a black top, and Jackie O sunglasses hanging from the mirror.

Lacy: a 1964 Chevy Impala customized into a iridescent purple with light teal flames hydrolically enhanced Lowrider, bump and grind stereo, tufted teal green upholstery and an 8-ball gear shift knob

And so ends my list for the day.

If she were a candy, she’d be…

Rosie would be a tootsie roll…small and hard, but sweet. Simple, with a single purpose. One knows what one is getting with Rosie.

Daisy would be something substantial and honest. Peanut brittle.

Lily…well. Lily would be a Marshmallow Peep.

and then comes Lacy. She is uncompromising, complex, and chunky. Lacy is a King Sized Snickers Bar.

Portrait of Weinerdogs

Wienerdogs have silly and expressive faces. Catching them on camera can be tricky, but if you know what makes them yawn or stick their tongues out, you can catch them in some less-than-dignified expressions.

GNAWS! (with humble apologies to JAWS)

must keep the tongue carefully to the side so as not to inadvertently chomp it.

I’m innocent, see me smile innocently like an innocent li’l doggie?

She truly is channeling Gene Simmons. She has the hair, she has the mask, and she has the tongue.

Profile of a Dachshund, Digital Art by Famed Photographer Rootietoot

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PUBLISHED THAT PICTURE OF ME ON THE INTERNET! WITHOUT ASKING!

HAW! *snort* HAW! You published that picture of her on the internet!

And finally…

What weighs 35 pounds and sounds like a quartet of drunk lumberjacks at a chainsaw convention?

Lily! O! Lily! Where Art Thy Brains?

Lily is a recently aquired Weinerdog. She is handsomely pedigreed, with a long and illustrious ancestry and the physique of a supermodel. She is sweet natured, if pushy, and has a highly developed sense of entitlement. She is a canine Paris Hilton. We briefly considered naming her Paris, but decided against it, since no one will remember Ms. Hilton in 5 years and folk would wonder why we named a dog after an overrated city in France.

She is remarkably photogenic creature, but thanks to the advent of digital photography and the freedom it affords, I have been able to capture her prodigious goofy side. It is the part of her personality that allows us to forgive the avaricious facet of her nature.

Enjoy these Pictures of Lily (kudos to the first person unrelated to me who can name the reference)

She’s Feminine and Dainty in All She Does.

She’s Lovely and As Substantial as Whipped Air

She’s Talented! She Dances!

She Sings!

She has Attitude (talk to the hand)

She is utterly self-assured.

except when she’s not…